Minimizing PTSD Symptoms With Snail Mail

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In our pre-deployment phase and the beginning weeks of our deployment I read everything I could get my hands on about helping families thrive through deployment. I learned a lot and I would encourage anyone facing deployment or struggling with it to turn to all the amazing books, blogs and programs designed to help support military families. There is no reason to suffer in silence.

After what I had read, I decided I was going to be one of those women who wrote their other half every day. I printed out inspiring articles from magazines and websites that I could include with a short note. Some days I wrote details about how things were going here and other days just notes of appreciate to him about him. I soon began to realize that this was more mail than my husband could keep up with. The letters were stacking up and frankly I think it overwhelmed him.

So I cut back to about three per week. That seems workable. I began to notice that he always seemed to kept a couple unopened after receiving them. I figured out why. I think they were life rafts for him and he always wanted to have a couple spares in his room if things got bad or he got really down. 

After he came for R and R, he said several times not to worry about sending him letters. He started encouraging me not to write, not to send care packages, etc. It was all for very practical purposes in his mind: time for me to focus on other things, save time, money, etc. He felt he was fine, didn't need the fuss, etc.

So I slowed down on the letter writing. I started writing once or twice a week. Life got significantly busier after he was here for R and R and we started talking on Skype and via telephone almost every day, sometimes a couple of times a day. 

Now we have just a a few months left of deployment and I am realizing that in a few weeks we will just stop sending mail all together. So I was thinking things were really winding down. Until last weekend.

I remembered like a bolt of lightening this post on Spousebuzz about how the more snail mail a soldier receives from home the fewer symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) he will have. There is something about having mail from home handed to you that affects people differently than an email or skype call. If there is any time we want to really fight the effects of PTSD it's while he's worn out, sick of deployment and dragging his butt to the finish line these last few months.

And you know what I have to say to my husband's suggestions that we don't really need to write much anymore? To hell with that! I am cranking up the letter writing machine again and he will be deluged with letters from now until the day he leaves. We will not forget about him and I'm surely not going to let his burdens, his fears and the stress of deployment get the best of him now when we are so close to the end.

Men so often say, "Oh, I'm okay. I don't need anything. I'm fine. Don't waste all that time, effort, money doing stuff for me." But even though they think they don't really need it, they do. Even when they think they are too tough for it, they need to be swarmed with love, caring, compassion and tenderness. They often want to just shut down their hearts and be numb during deployment and that is probably the worst thing that can happen. Care packages and letters mean the world to them once they have them in their hands and feel the love and caring they are filled with. I think real mail stabilizes hearts, opens up emotions and reminds our beloved soldiers to feel and keep their hearts open.

He used to make comments about how my letters were covered in hearts & flowers and art all over the envelopes. I know he hates standing out in a crowd and I know my letters were bright, bold and frequent. But you know what, I know he loved getting those letters. And that was as much for his coworkers as for him. I wanted him and them to know that my man was adored and missed at home. I wanted every one of them to be a little jealous. I wanted him to feel special. I wanted him to have the embarrassment of getting so many care packages and letters. 

Thankfully so many wonderful friends from our church congregation has jumped in since Christmas. The men began a letter writing campaign and I think getting letters from supportive  brothers has been a great gift to him. Our church has also sent three shipments of care packages for him to share with his church congregation and coworkers over there.

I have no idea what he's been through the past months and I know coming home is not going to be easy either. I am going to do all I can to help fight the PTSD and anything else causing him stress. 

While there is so little I can control during deployment, I can do all I can to help fight the effects of PTSD and support my man. I don't care what he says. We're going to love him up right up until the end and every day after he comes home. I have two letters to mail to him right now. One has an inspiring religious quote in it and another has a sport injury treatment idea he will like.

I'll do another post soon about letter writing & how I made it super easy for us. I will fill it with all the practical tips that make it easy to swarm them with mail.