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One of the best things we have done during deployment and so many other separations is not set a long-term prescribed time for phone or Skype calls. He may say, "I'll call you tonight about 10p." but we have never set things up so that he calls every day or on exact days and specific times. I also like that he doesn't call every day and it's not that I don't want to talk to him every day. But creating a routine can cause a lot of unnecessary stress in these situations.
Not knowing exactly when or how often he will call has actually been a big blessing to me, despite how comforting it seems like it would be to know exactly when he's going to call. Here's why. When a girl expects a call and doesn't get one, that starts a whole hamster wheel of frustration and anxiety that I just don't need or want. The conversation in girls' heads go something like this:
He didn't call. Is he okay? Maybe something happened? Maybe he's dead and they just haven't notified me yet? They could be knocking on my door any moment! Maybe I/we don't matter to him that much. Maybe he's forgetting about me/us. Maybe he doesn't love me/us anymore? Maybe he's having an affair and he's with her right now! He's a jerk! I hate him. I want him to call so I can yell at him and tell him what a jerk he is. Now I won't be able to sleep all night. This relationship is ruining my life.
If you watch much reality TV or follow many military significant others on social media, you know I am not really exaggerating the above thought pattern much. More than likely the reality is that he is traveling, working overtime, is totally exhausted or something has happened that has created a communications blackout. Remember there are no days off on deployment, it's seven days a week, long hours every day. I have noticed when women expect to hear from their men every day, at certain times or intervals and they don't get that communication they immediately start freaking out.
For me, when I get a call I'm thrilled because I'm not already mad that it didn't happen according to my pre-set expectations. We are grateful for every chance he does have to call. I get butterflies when I'm running errands in the afternoon and he surprises me with a call. Plus that means I don't have to share phone time with anyone because the little one is at school. I laugh when he Skypes us before the alarm has gone off in the morning and I know my hair looks like Medusa. I know he calls because he is thinking of home. When I don't have expectations about how communication with him must happen I can much more easily enjoy every bit of contact we get.
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