Pre-R&R Nerves

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I can't believe it's already been a couple of months since Mr. Hart went back to deployment after R&R. When we began the deployment it seemed like it was so far away and now it's over and we're looking at a homecoming in not so long.

As I looked forward to R&R I read a lot of articles by other military spouses about their experience with it. I saw a comment by one woman who said her husband said he wasn't coming home for R&R. It obviously hurt her. I could relate to both of them.

There was a part of me that thought it might be easier not to see Mr. Hart in the middle of deployment. It sounded way too torturous to have him come home and then have him ripped away from us again. Thinking in those dramatic terms it does sound pretty awful. I never brought that up to him because I wanted him to decide how he wanted to spend that time. But at the same time I would've been crushed if Mr. Hart had said he didn't want to see us. I knew deep down that nothing other than seeing him was really an option I could accept. There really was no question.

We talked about R&R for several months. He put in for dates as soon as he was able which was just a few weeks after he got there. It seemed so far away then. For a while we talked about meeting in some other country. Then for a time he wanted me to plan a trip to Hawaii. But I couldn't imagine putting him on a plane for another 12 hours in that two week time span plus costs were double because it was during the holidays. 

Once Thanksgiving came, it somehow opened the holiday "You're coming for R and R soon!" floodgates. Suddenly he was his now unfamiliar cheery, romantic self. It was obvious he was letting himself think about home and that he, who hides his excitement so well, was getting excited to come home, to see us, to see me. There was a lot more smiling and flirtiness in the usually business like, task-oriented and information-relaying phone calls and Skype sessions -- and they were more frequent too. The honeymoon before R and R was awesome.

I was watching Married To The Army: Alaska on OWN and saw that the wives all kept going to through security to meet their husbands. I had to google that to find out if that was just something they worked out for the wives on that show or if it was for the military in general. Here's the lowdown from the Army.mil website. When I found out just a couple of weeks before our R and R that we could do this, I made sure to plan on it and then didn't tell Mr. Hart, so that we could surprise him at the gate.

Then there was the big "what to wear" dilemma. That went on for many days and in the end I wore a bright coral striped tunic, black pencil skirt and heels. He ended up calling us two days early and telling us that he would be home in five hours. Boy were we scrambling. I had taken care of a long list of things that needed to be done before he came, but I learned a big lesson. Don't save the housecleaning for the last two days in case they come early. I had a huge stack of papers on his desk that I needed to sort and file and a few other chores that I had not accomplished that I was expecting to take care of those last two days so I wouldn't be twiddling my thumbs waiting for him.

He assured me multiple times that at the earliest he might be half a day early. But two full days early really screwed me up and left me in a lurch. Not that we weren't thrilled to get him back, but the house didn't look as nice as I had planned and that was a bummer. I learned my lesson to get the housework done at least a week in advance, especially because you're just worn our by all the excitement the closer it gets. You have less energy the last couple of days before he gets back. I would've rather been running around town doing small errands those days than doing the housework. We sacrificed a bit of the housecleaning to shower and get pretty for his arrival. That was a must after all. 

For the meet at the airport we were able to get gate passes, but know that both times this took a good ten minutes or more. Much longer than it takes for a person to check in. One of the more senior agents helped us. The more senior people seem to know how that all works. We got our gate passes and just talking to the agent I was already getting teary-eyed. Our little one had not seen her dad for six months and she was so excited and a little teary too. And she wanted me to hold her every minute. She's tall and weighed almost 60 lbs. Craziness.

It's pretty rare to see military personnel in our airport since we don't have any major bases nearby, but because it was just before the holidays then entire place was full of military personnel trying to get home for Christmas. We talked to a few of them headed in all sorts of directions. It seems like we waited at the gate for a very long time. Then his plane arrived and it seemed like it took them an eternity to park the dang thing. Then military guys and civilians started pouring out of the plane. We waited and waited and waited. Uniforms would appear and we'd check the face to see if it was our Daddy. There must've been at least 20 military personnel who got off and still no Mr. Hart. Just when it seemed there couldn't be too many more people on the plane, he came out and the little one ran straight over to her Daddy and jumped into his arms. It was so fun to see them smother each other with kisses.

I waited and watched and let them gobble each other up with love. It was so darling. They he walked over to me and we stole a kiss over her shoulder. She was in his arms and not about to let go. So we group hugged.There was a lot of hugging that went on for a while. Then we all walked hand in hand to the baggage claim. While we waited for his bags we took a few photos. A young military guy, who kept calling my husband "Sir" offered to take some photos for us. About this time, everything became a fast moving whirlwind. He was home with us and that was all that mattered. You can read more about our R and R here.

So long story short, there are lots of things to spend your time fretting about before R and R comes. But enjoy all that fun frenzy in the weeks leading up to his return. It's very much a cute courtship period and it helps reconnect you after a few months of very often feeling disconnected. Things will take care of themselves in the end and then he's home and the time goes by so fast and then it's time to let him go again. You can read about our goodbye here.

If you are planning for your first R and R ask for advice from other people who've been through it. They will have great suggestions and calm your worries. Let your military loved one choose how they want to spend their R and R. Don't plan too much because they will be on a totally whacked sleep schedule when they get back and the first few days they'll sleep all afternoon and evening and be awake while you're asleep, so plan for that. Know that they will be exhausted from the deployment itself and all the travel they've done to get to you. Go easy on them.

For those of you looking forward to R and R if you have any questions, just hit me up in the comments below or send an email or DM tweet. If I can help I surely want to. Hope your R and R is as fantastic as ours was.