The Thing I Hated Most About Pre-deployment

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Remember in Peter Pan, the crocodile that swallowed the alarm clock? That is the image I think of when I think of the one thing I most hated about Pre-deployment. In Peter Pan, even if you couldn't see the crocodile, you could hear that damn ticking clocking always in the background, getting louder and louder all the time.

That is what time felt like to me during Pre-deployment. From the moment we got word he would deploy, it was like that crocodile with the ticking clock was following us everywhere. Every day at some point the ticking crocodile would pass by. It could be while watching TV, sitting down to eat, hugging Mr. Hart, falling asleep. The sweeter the moment the louder the ticking clock became.

The crocodile would pass under our legs while we sat in the movie theater, listening to the national anthem, singing God Bless America at the ball park. Holidays were the worst. Sure we're together this Thanksgiving but next year he'll be in Afghanistan. We ended up spending the Christmas before deployment alone together which was a huge mistake. It was a failure to commit to a plan and ended in an unhappy situation that almost ended our relationship. All haunted by the thoughts of where he'd be next Christmas. New Years came and it brought the year he would deploy. In the months leading up to his deployment he was only at home about eight weeks total. And all the while that crocodile was ticking. I heard it when I needed him at home and he was gone, when we talked on the phone and Skyped. It was all practice for the real deal that would be our lives once deployment started The stress of the ticking magnified as the months and weeks passed and we got closer and closer to his deployment date. It's shadow was visible with every bit of joy we attempted to have even though we absolutely made the most of our time together in those months.

And there was no getting rid of it no matter how much I tried. It was the one thing I just had to suffer through and try to not let get me down. There certainly wasn't any way to slow down time or stop the inevitable. In the books and military handouts I received there were two things that got me through this period.

First, that Pre-deployment is awful and that there often comes a time when you just want the damn thing to hurry up and start. That surprised me. How could anyone feel that way I thought. Well, you know what, in the last week or so before he left, I did just want to get it started already. The sooner we got going the faster it would be over. We were ready, we were just sitting there listening to the crocodile clock every night, even though we were out doing a lot of fun things as a family. It was time to get the thing started.

Second, that Pre-deployment can be worse that the start of actual deployment. I found this to be true too. The stress level does go down once you have had that traumatic goodbye you've been dreading for so long. You suddenly find things shockingly quiet, you're a little lost but you have time to think about yourself a bit and try to find your footing again. It is a tough time because mostly what you do is worry a lot at first, but after being so focused on your other half, this is the time you have to take care of yourself. Things get simpler and you can actually focus on deployment instead of staring at all the fears of it without actually being in it.

That darned crocodile was definitely my biggest hate in Pre-deployment and if I had to do it again, even with what I know now that wouldn't change much. But at least I know it eventually stops ticking and life gets a little simpler and easier. It was eerily quiet once I watched that plane take off that took my man away for a year. I didn't miss that crocodile one bit!