Surviving Deployment After R & R

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As I mapped out our year-long deployment, which began last summer I had the expectation that the winter months would be the most difficult, particularly after Christmas, when we would be past R & R and still have half our deployment to go. I anticipated that colder temperatures, less daylight and the stress of saying goodbye again would be difficult.

I continued to think about this as deployment progressed and kept feeling the need to have a really good plan to keep myself busy during those months. I didn't realize at the time that come Christmas time I would become a full-time mom to Clementine and as hard as it was to say goodbye to Mr. Hart once he returned for the shorter second half of deployment the days would absolutely fly by.

Before that I had made a plan to visit my family, work on projects, and make a lot of plans with friends to keep my busy. Seeing it all mapped out on a calendar really helped me feel I had some control over my life for that period of time and that I could make sure my life was as happy as possible during that time.

Instead my life was filled with a lot of mom work and a lot of life lessons for myself on being a good parent, having a child in school, doing elementary school homework and learning massive amounts of patience. I became a much better mom as the months went by but it was exhausting. I went through periods where I was so exhausted I was going to bed at 8:30 or 9:00 at night. I had other periods where I couldn't sleep and was sneaking naps while she was at school. It was an amazing and very fast paced life. I gave up most of my personal goals during that time and focused on home and family. Having her around was such a joy that it made every day happy and fun, full of life.

The final few months flew by as if it was a few weeks. But I was always glad I had a plan for myself during deployment and knew I could enjoy my time while Mr. Hart was away. Deployment was nothing like what I expected. The first six months were the hard part for me. I think months three through five were the most difficult for me. I think there was some depression and exhaustion playing heavily on my life.

During that time I didn't sleep in my bed, I slept on the couch. I left the TV on until I fell asleep at 3 or 4 a.m. I was withdrawn and a few days didn't even get dressed or leave the house. The projects I was working on were stressful but I had to keep going and get them done for our family. It was during the first months of deployment that I learned that the body has a mind of its own. One my husband's R & R light came on (you can read about that here) things got vastly better and I stayed pretty up the rest of the deployment.

I feel so blessed that once we started getting ready for R & R things got a lot easier for me. R & R itself was a roller coaster. I still didn't sleep all that well and still had my ups and downs, days I didn't want to interact too much with the world, but I definitely did a lot better and was able to stay in good shape most of the time. It's a stressful time and no one had the same pressures on them even during deployment. I had my own unique stresses and challenges that came with deployment and I have a lot of sympathy for women at home during a military deployment.

I think the other thing that really helped me during the last half of deployment was making friends with other military spouses and girlfriends. That really boosted my spirits to find other people who understood my life and what I was feeling. It encouraged me when the offered support and encouragement and when I could offer that for others. I laughed hard at things they shared that sounded so much like my life. It always helped me to remember "it's a military thing" not a failing of myself, my husband or our life. It was normal in the military world and lots of people lived the same experiences. Feeling that connection played a big part in helping me thrive through the last half of deployment. And to those ladies I offer a HUGE thank you. Thank you for getting me through! My twitter handle is @midlifenavywife if you want to connect there.

Deployment will in many ways be the same and be different for everyone. I'm glad I was blessed to have a great experience in the last half of our deployment, even thought it was still challenging. I had a lot of opportunities to grow and I know I am a much stronger, better, more beautiful person for the experience.