Things We Won't Tell My Husband: Episode 6

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Things we won't tell my husband is the subject of a funny, sometimes sad, sometimes sweet and touching weekly Monday feature about things that happened during deployment that my husband doesn't need to know about. In reality he probably doesn't care much about any of these things and will find out about most of them. But mostly these are just funny to share between military spouses and girlfriends. This column in a facial expression would be angelically smiling on one side of my face and cringing on the other. So here we go.

1. That after I raced to get Clementine to her golf lesson with my hair all long and pretty, in a skirt and heels, the substitute golf teacher could not keep his hands off me. Nothing inappropriate per se, but a lot of rubbing hands on the back, putting hands on my shoulders while I stood behind Clementine talking to her, etc. His face was about two inches from mine when he asked me my name. Whew. I had to laugh. Not bad for the ego once in a while, especially when you're quite past 25 or your husband's been deployed for 11/12ths of a year or both. haha.

2. That the idea of having to rehearse an entire day of important goings on at home sometimes sounds beyond exhausting. Like my head will fall off and roll across the floor exhausting. Living it once is enough, but having to revisit it all with him sometimes is a little too much even though he totally deserved to know and I want him to. But all the explaining and question answering, etc. gets overwhelming at times. I just wish I could hit replay on a video or something.

3. How much I hate that he doesn't just spell check his emails. It's not like I haven't asked. Sometimes I swear he's typing in a foreign language. Communicating halfway around the world is hard enough already, give me a little spell check love, will ya?!

4. Speaking of spell check, when you have a little kid in grade school and they see their parent misspelling tons of words it goes against everything they are being taught at school and really bugs them. It makes me smile and I'm going to let her discuss that with her dad when he gets home.

5. That when he gets home the little one and I are going to have a talk with him about how much we love our cool base sweatshirts he sent to us and how much we hate that he had velco sewn into both sides of the hoodie pockets. (I'm laughing so hard while I'm typing this.) Talk about anal retentive military gear.

I know he absolutely LOVES the idea that one could now keep their keys & all their junk in that pocket, but Silly Rabbit, girls don't carry stuff in that pocket. That's where we like to put our hands and velcro does not feel good against the skin...at all. We'll be cutting that out after he comes home, but I don't have the heart to yet because I know he thinks he did the most spectacular thing for us ever by doing that. And how I love him for that.

6. That I'm getting battery for unused, parked 3rd car charged for the 5th time this week so it's running when he gets back. Sorry but this Mama has not had time to be able to run that car for 30 minutes every week to keep the battery charged. I tried...kinda, but when you're in survival mode with way too much on your plate, something has to go.

7. That I'm planning afternoon black ops trips to Taco Bell when he comes back. He's not a fan. I am.

8. That I'm still hoping we can have a post-deployment wedding celebration with our families and friends when he gets back. Haven't really mentioned this since we have a lot on our plates these days.

9. That I hope I remember where I've buried some of his stuff since he left. It's been a long year, I realize I may have forgotten some of my "excellent" organizational tricks to get his stuff out of the way. It seemed like a year was going to be an eternity. (I'm smiling angelically on one side of my face and cringing on the other). How many times am I going to hear "Where's my _____ ?" over the summer?! Eeek. Super scary, seriously. LOL.

10. That I'm a different person than when he left. I think I'm part the girl he met when we first met years ago (who I honestly think I'd lost for the past couple of years) and I'm now also part super soft-hearted mom and kick arse battle-hardened wife. I know he'll be different too. Hope we're ready for each other. Can't wait to start dating each other again.

So that's it for this week. Any of these you can connect with in your own life?