This column is meant as a joke between us MILSOs about the somewhat comical realities of what we do when our men are gone. I would tell my husband any of these things really but it's funnier to laugh about them with you.
1. That I moved some of the furniture around again. Why does this bug them so much?
2. That I often think about how nice his backside looked in those desert camos he used to wear. My very favorite, hot, manly looking uniform of all the military uniforms out there.
3. That I am plotting a continual menu of high protein, high fat meals to put some meat back on his bones when he gets home. He's lost 20+ pounds of muscle mass. Nooooo. I will be sneaking fat or protein powder into everything! I better start stockpiling butter now. Hello Costco.
4. That I put that grade school picture of him that he hates so much back up on my Love Board. It's so cute, seriously. And he has my kindergarten class picture hanging by his bathroom mirror. That's fair, right. I'll take it down again when he gets back.
5. That I'm not looking forward to having to start watching Animal Planet, The History Channel, H2 and Military Channel when he gets back. I should be grateful since all the very young gals say their boys play non-stop video games. I'll take TV over that any day.
6. That instead of returning the expensive running shoes he bought for himself, I traded sizes and kept them for myself instead. I'm sure he's long forgotten about them and won't care.
7. That despite his worries I believe and have faith in God that everything is going to go smoothly and work out through all the transitions when he gets home. I'm right, trust me. He thinks I'm crazy to believe that at this point. He's tired and cranky and has been living in a crazy bubble world for a long time now.
8. That I'm a little bummed that my cooking life is going to get a lot more complicated when he gets back. Man Meals are way more complicated to make that simple stuff for two girls. Goodbye canned soup and grilled cheese.
9.That there have been a couple of times when I've busted open bags of candy that were meant for care packages for him. Not that he's gone without in the least. He has been showered with care packages.
10. That my favorite things he's sent home to us are probably the hoodies with the camp logo on the front and back. He's sent some nice things home. Don't want him to feel badly but the sweatshirts make us feel closer to him than anything.
So dear readers, do you have any tiny confessions or laughs to share this week? Please give us a laugh. We need all the laughter we can get. Leave a comment below.
Here's a link to the original Things We Won't Tell My Husband. Each Monday I will post a new episode.