Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Deployment Took Away My Pretty

image via

First I just have to say that this image totally cracked me up because it totally and completely reflects how I feel inside about the subject of this post. I was looking in the mirror last night, while I was gargling very potent mouthwash. I hoped it would kill all the germs in my throat and keep this sore throat from becoming something more. I was wearing my glasses, had just taken off my makeup, my hair was looking haggard and I was wearing baggy pajamas. Let me just warn you -- this is not a great time or situation in which to be making healthy judgments about one's looks.

But the very sad thought came to me -- Deployment took away my pretty. I seriously feel like I've aged 10 years in the last three years. In the beginning of the 11th month of a 12-month deployment, my skin is broken out, I should have refreshed my highlights in February and I have lost the same 10 pounds four different times. Money is  tight and I have a kiddo at home, so there's no going off to Paris, like in the movie Sabrina, to become a whole new woman.

I look TIRED! I'm not sleeping, my eyes look horrible. Dark circles under them. My skin looks gray, my face is puffy. I look...just bad. With a little more sleep I think I can fix this. (She types as she writes this at 2 AM). I am still hopeful about the weight. I have a haircut scheduled.

Guess who else looks equally worn out and tired. My husband. He lost 20 pounds of pure muscle his first six months. Why, I ask the gods of heaven, couldn't I have lost weight and he have stayed steady! lol. Then he had pneumonia for the next two months. His eyes look tired too.

Maybe we can put ourselves back together, together. Maybe a little downtime and some summer sun on our cheeks will be just the medicine to bring us back to our former selves or maybe even better. At the very least, I pray he will overlook my looks until we get back to a more even keel. He did say I was pretty in that card he sent last week, no actually the word was beautiful AND awesome, smart AND wise! So maybe he hasn't forgotten what once was, maybe that girl can come back once she has a little less stress and a handsome man at arm's reach to give her a little love and TLC. (She smiles in her sweetest, most hopeful, charming, prettiest smile).

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