Sometimes You Can't Tell MilSos The Truth

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Sometimes I see MilSOs online sharing their frustration about hard things they are battling and I know I just can't say what I would really like to say to them. Sometimes I just want to say "that thing you are fighting to change (or refusing to accept) is never going to change" because you know in this moment it would just break their hearts and put them in a tailspin. So you have to let them learn, little by little, the sometimes frustrating realities of military life.

Here are a few examples:

There is a reason there are so many military couples who just eloped. It wasn't because we wanted to get married by a stranger who was in a rush in an hideous courthouse chapel! I planned my wedding for 18 months before we ended up just going to the courthouse to get it done.

Then there is the pipe dream of some day following that up with a "Vow Renewal" with friends and family. I'm still hoping for that and yet staring a bit at the realities that I can't see when or how that is going to happen. I had a really awesome wedding planned and if it never happens I will be sad about it forever. But I have to move on with my life and get over it somehow. Again it's still scheduling that raises it's ugly head and other days it's money to pay for such a thing.

Another is when I hear teen Milso's swear their love is different than all the other teen lovers and they are the ones that are going to beat the odds and make it. Then I hear the constant sadness of the 19, 20, 21-year-old divorced gals with a baby, in a tailspin wondering how this could have ever happened to them. I promise you I wish every one of these couples the best, but despite best efforts, when the odds are against you, you're fighting an uphill battle. Some will thrive through it, some will make it and for some it will be a catastrophic life disaster that will set them on a path they may never recover from. When people older than you say it's tough, they know it from experience. It's okay to listen to them and then use your best judgment. Don't bite the hand that tried to protect you.

Here's another. If you stay in the military it's unlikely life is going to "settle down" or you're going to live near your parents and extended family or buy a house that you'll live in til your grandchildren are coming to visit. Again, hard things to accept.

How about the pipe dream that your house isn't going to be overrun with military gear that never gets put away. There's a good one. I know from my own complaining & tears (being slightly over dramatic but not much) that I'm not the only one in that boat.

The Murphy's Law of Deployment is another one. I'm fairly certain it's inescapable after suffering through a kitchen flood, locking myself out of the house multiple times (which I never have done in my life!), being sick for a month, not being able to sleep & then ending it all with a car accident just before he came home! Don't look for it, don't think about it, but don't be surprised when it happens. Just be ready to handle it.

All of these are PAINFUL to consider and accept. I hope for the exact opposite of all these things for my military SO/spouse sisters, really I do. And I hate when I see these kinds of things happening to them. But I try not to get caught in cynicism but instead wish them very, very well and hope for the best for them.

I guess the best I can do is celebrate their good days and it be ready to console, support and encourage if and when they need it. To be a good big sister, sometimes I just have to keep my mouth closed and let them experience life on their own terms and find their own solutions. But it sure hurts me to watch sometimes.