I Am Going Home, He Wrote

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Last week I was passing by one of my husband's piles of things that have not yet found a home since he returned from deployment. On top was an small yellow manila envelope. I easily recognized the written addresses as my handwriting along with three red hearts drawn on the lower right corner, signifying my husband, me and our daughter.

Then I saw something scribbled on the front in red ballpoint pen. It said, "I am going home here!" in all caps with several exclamation points and an arrow pointing to our home address. Above the home address his name had been written in with the same red ink and it was all circled.

Such a simple message but I imagined the depth of feeling behind the few words written. I wondered why he had written this. Had he written in it on a day when he was particularly homesick? Had he been scared and needed the encouragement? Was he writing this message to cheer himself on? Was this a shout to the Gods demanding that he would make it? Was it near the end and was this his way of giving the middle finger to deployment?

I know that if I asked him I would probably never get a straight answer. He might be a little embarrassed that I saw it, I'm not sure. In a way I prefer never knowing exactly why he did. But I love that he did. I love that home meant so much and that coming home meant so much - that he was looking forward to it with a level of enthusiasm that required bunches of exclamation points.

My man, like so many other men, particularly military men, is not a man who gushes emotional sentiments. But I know in his heart he is vastly more feeling, emotional and complicated than he would ever let on. I like seeing little glimpses of that part of him along the path of our daily lives. I love that envelope and I am going to make sure we save it.