The He's Home Everyone! Syndrome

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A lesson learned during the reintegration process. Don't have big expectations about making plans, socializing and spending time with other people once your man returns from deployment. Here's what I've learned from my man about being around other people and reintegration:

• He is super tired and does not have a lot of stamina for planned events. Never wants to go when it's time to leave and doesn't want to stay long. Plan accordingly and lower your own expectations.

• Crowds tend to make him anxious and he starts getting on edge. He's used to being on alert all the time, when you throw him into a busy environment, his spidey senses feel like they are on overdrive...and remember how tired he is. Bad combo!

• While you're excited to let people see that he's home, he may feel like he's being paraded around. I have avoided this and yet I still get that complaint even when we just go to church, etc. Situations where people will make a fuss over his return should be gently entered in to. He might be just fine once he gets there or he may not be able to handle it. Gauge the situation and be supportive.

• Give him small opportunities to get to know and bond with people who have been your big supporters while he's been gone. Introduce him, tell him why it meant a lot to you and then let him chat with them on his own.

• Anticipate that he may fall asleep in church, a movie, or anywhere you go. Again, he didn't get a decent night's sleep for the past year. Any time he feels he is in a safe and peaceful place his body will likely shut down for desperately needed rest.

• Even if he suggests or makes social plans, when it's time to execute the plans he may not want to go at all and be grumpy. Don't make any plans that you can't easily excuse yourselves from without a lot of explanation.

• Avoid loud noises. Even just hearing me doing the dishes can be a little jarring for my husband right now. Be mindful of places where there is a lot of noise that might rattle him that wouldn't even garner notice by you. Be sensitive to his rattled senses and emotions.

• Try to let him take the lead on activities he feels up to doing. When I pushed and pushed for him to go with me to an activity that was really important to me it didn't go too well. We got there late and ended up leaving early and I felt the whole night was worse than if we'd not gone at all.

• Appreciate and recognize ebbs and flows. Some days things might not bother him much at all and other days they might feel like a ton of bricks hitting him. Know that some days will be better than others and anticipate that how he feels will change from day to day.

• Be patient. Reintegration is a whirlwind. Some days are amazingly happy and other days can be terrifyingly difficult. Do whatever you can to lighten his load and to work together as you go forward. There will be time for friends and fun, just don't rush it. Be willing for forego some of your fun to stand by his side.

What have you learned from your reintegration experience about reintegrating into your social life? I'd love to hear your wisdom!